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Text File | 1992-12-02 | 31KB | 819 lines

A little song, a little dance, A little seltzer down your pants! -Mary Tyler Moore Show Programmers are the eternal optimists when they want to add a feature, and the eternal pessimists when they don't want to add something to a game. -Dallas Snell, V.P. Production; ORIGIN The superior man is distressed by his want of ability. -Confucius It is a great ability to be able to conceal one's ability. -Francois de La Rochefoucauld When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself. -Louis Nizer A woman who strives to be like a man lacks ambition. -saying It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. -Dolores Ibarruri If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs? -Marvin Kitman Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it. -Don Marquis Order marches with weighty and measured strides; disorder is always in a hurry. -Napoleon Bonaparte MY GOD!, who do they think I am -- EVERYBODY? -Leonard Bernstein, end of a busy day He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the goose. -Fred Allen Flattery is all right -- if you don't inhale. -Adlai E. Stevenson A perfectionist is a man who takes infinite pains and give them to others. -Alan Benner First-rate people hire fist-rate people;second-rate people hire third-rate people. -Leo Rosten Corporation: an ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. -Ambrose Bierce If A equals success, then the formula is A equals X plus Z, where X is work, Y is play, Z is keep your mouth shut. -Albert Einstein Either lead, follow, or get out of the way. -Sign on desk of Ted Turner The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in. -Lord Chesterfield How come nobody wants to argue with me? Is it because I'm always so right? -Jim Bouton In times of calamity, any rumor is believed. -Publilius Syrus If you've broken the eggs, you should make the omelet. -Anthony Eden There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. -Henry Kissinger We were eyeball to eyeball and the other fellow just blinked. -Dean Rusk, on Cuban missile crisis People who don't have nightmares don't have dreams. -Robert Paul Smith Murder is always a mistake--one should never do anything one cannot talk about after dinner. -Samuel Butler I never made a mistake in my life, at least, never one that I cound't explain away afterward. -Rudyard Kipling It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. -Winston Churchill, describing difficulties of forecasting future of Russia Problems are only opportunities in work clothes. -Henry J. Kaiser Don't fix the blame, fix the problem. -Keith S. Pennington If you are able to state a problem, then the problem can be solved. -Edwin Land, inventor of instant camera The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. -Walter Bagehot Big Brother is watching you. -George Orwell Poverty os no disgrace to a man, but it is confoundedly inconvenient. -Sydney Smith The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. -Kin Hubbard Women do not like timid men. Cats do not like prudent mice. -H.L. Mencken The Wright brothers' design allowed them to survive long enough to learn how to fly. -Michael Potts The enemy is in front of us, behind us, to the left of us, and to the right of us. They can't escape us this time! -Marine Lt. Lewis B. Puller Horse sense is what keeps horses from betting on what people will do. -Raymond Nash Conceit is God's gift to little men. -Bruce Barton I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meetin me is another matter. -Winston Churchill Don't be humble. You're not that great. -Golda Meir I never loved a person the way I loved myself. -Mae West An egotist is a man who thinks that if he hadn't been born, people would have wondered why. -Dan Post A big head is a big load. -West African saying Wisdom is not wisdom when it is derived from books alone. -Horace I am an idealist. I don't know where I am going but I'm on my way. -Carl Sandburg America is the only country deliberately founded on a good idea. -John Gunther Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig. -Paul Dickson And what is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not been discovered. -Ralph Waldo Emerson All of us do not have equal talent, but all of us should have an equal opportunity to develop our talent. -John F. Kennedy It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all. -James Thurber Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow. -Don Herold Adultry is the application of democracy to love. -H.L. Menchen My sole inspiration is a telephone call from a producer. -Cole Porter Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perpiration. -Thomas Alva Edison Happiness: a good bank account, a good cook, and a good digestion. -Jean-Jacques Rousseau Jealousy is the only evil we endure without becoming accustomed to it. -Colette With jealousy, one has no time to be bored, and hardly time to grow old. -Colette Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. -Jules Renard A fool and his money are soon married. -Carolyn Wells Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. -Alexander Pope Angels rush in when fools are almost dead. -Rudolph Fisher It's better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and resolve all doubt. -Abraham Lincoln When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap. -Cynthia Heimel I only open my mouth to change feet. -Emily Paine Wit is the rarest quality to be met with among people of education. -William Hazlitt No mind is thorougly well organized that is deficient in a sense of humor. -Samuel Taylor Coleridge Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. -G.K. Chesterton Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. -W.H. Auden You can't shoot an idea. -Thomas E. Dewey When forty million people believe in a dumb idea, it's still a dumb idea. -Ad run by United Technologies Financially stable, mentally questionable. -Motto of Gotham City Riders, New York City motorcyle gang Conform and be dull. -James Frank Dobie Elegance is innate. It has nothing to do with being well dressed. Elegance is refusal. -Diana Vreeland No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -Eleanor Roosevelt The Golden Rule is that there are no golden rules. -George Bernard Shaw Imagination is more important than knowledge. -Albert Einstein Insanity is a matter of degree. -Joaguim Maria Machado de Assis We're all controlled neurotics. -Harry Reasoner Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children. -Sam Levenson That's the truest sign of insantiy-insane people are always sure they're just fine. It's only the sane people who are willing to admit they're crazy. -Nora Ephron It has yet to be proved hat intelligence has any survival value. -Arthur C. Clarke He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head. -Margot Asquith Knowledge is power, if you know the right person. -Ethel Watts Mumford Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful. -Samuel Johnson Reality is a collective hunch. -Mel Seesholtz Youth longs and manhood strives, but age remembers.......... -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. The true art of memory is the art of attention. -Samuel Johnson Show me a man who claims he is objective and I'll show you a man with illusions. -Henry R. Luce I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. -W.C. Fields Prejudice is an opinion without judgment. -Voltaire What is originality? Undetected plagiarism. -Dean William R. Inge Prejudice is the child of ignorance. -William Hazlitt A chip on the shoulder is a sure indicaiton that there is more wood higher up. -Aldous Huxley I prefer neurotic people. I like to hear rumblings beneath the surface. -Stephen Sondheim Nothing pains some people more than having to think. -Martin Luther King, Jr. Don't just do something, stand there. -Daniel Berrigan, on the importance of thought as well as action, 1960 war protest If I look confused it's because I'm thinking. -Samuel Goldwyn Minds are like parachutes: they only function when open. -Thomas L. Dewar I too had thoughts once of being an intellectual, but I found it too difficult. -Albert Schweitzer Thought is free. -William Shakespeare The first forty years of life give us the text; the next thirty supply the commentary. -Arthur Schopenhauer Life is ours to be spent, not to be saved. -D.H. Lawrence All life is an experiment. -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. Life is a sexually transmitted disease. -Guy Bellamy Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. -Tom Stoppard Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age. -Gore Vidal When I grow up I want to be a little boy. -Joseph Heller A woman is a old as she looks before breadfast. -Edgar Watson Howe The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and obsolescence. -Art Linkletter Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor. -George Jean Nathan I've got everything I had twenty years ago - except now it's all lower. -Gypsy Rose Lee Fun is like insurance; the older you get the more it costs. -Elbert Hubbard If you don't laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old. -Edgar Watson Howe I'll never make the mistake of being seventy again! -Caasey Stengel Old boys have their playthings as well as young ones;the difference is only in the price. -Benjamin Franklin The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. -Mark Twain Men ought to be more conscious of their bodies as objects of delight. -Germaine Greer How you lose or keep your hair depends on how wisely you choose your parents. -Edward R. Nida Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies. -John Donne Ask a toad what is beauty...He will answer that it is a female with two great round eyes coming out of her little head,a large flat mouth,a yellow belly,and a brown back. -Voltaire I get my exercise running to the funerals of my friends who exercise. -Barry Gray A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. -Groucho Marx Two things are bad for the heart-running up hill and running down people. -Bernard Gimbel Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. -Dag Hammarskjold I'm a fat anorexic. -Kiri Te Kanawa Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. -Alexander Woollcott (attrib.) Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood. -Erma Bombeck Americans like fat books and thin women. -Russell Baker All real men love to eat. -Marlene Dietrich Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. -Saying What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch? -W.C. Fields I drink to make other people interesting. -George Jean Nathan A man is never drunk if he can lie on the floor without holding on. -Joe E. Lewis All dope can do for you is kill you...the long hard way. And it can kill the people you love right along with you. -Billie Holiday Smoking is pulmonary rape. -Saying Just say NO. -Saying Why do you think they call it dope? -Saying No man is lonely eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention. -Christopher Morley To eat is human, to digest divine. -Mark Twain My mouth is a happy place. -Pat Conroy There's someone at every party who eats all the celery. -Kin Hubbard Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are. -Anthelme Brillat-Savarin As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists. -Joan Gussow, assistant professor of nutrition/education, Columbia University The fixity of a habit is generally in direct proportion to its absurdity. -Marcel Proust Curious things, habits. People themselves never knew they had them. -Agatha Christie Nothing succeeds like excess. -Oscar Wilde Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of lives. -Dr. William C. Dement [Sleep] is an eight-hour peep show of infantile erotica. -J.G. Ballard Bed is the perfect climate. -Noel Coward Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay gets another person who can't pay to guarantee that he can pay. -Charles Dickens Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. -Richard Lamm If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. -George Bernard Shaw(attrib.) It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job, it's a depression when you lose your own. -Harry S. Truman Dollars not only count, they rule. -Charles Thomas Walker There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income. -Edmund Wilson I don't want money. It is oly people who pay their bills who want that, and I never pay mine. -Oscar Wilde There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but not it happens to everybody. -Adlai E. Stevenson Money is the best bait to fish for man with. -Thomas Fuller When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money. -Elbert Hubbard Money is like manure. If you spread it around, it does a lot of good, but if you pile it up in one place, it stinks like hell. -Clint W. Murchison If you know the value of money, go and try to borrow some. -Benjamin Franklin Among mankind money is far more persuasive than logical argument. -Euripides Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot make a complete use of the other five. -W. Somerset Maugham Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. -Woody Allen I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries. -Jules Renard People who say maney can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop. -Tom Shivers The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. -Will Rogers (attrib.) The avoidance of taxes is the only pursuit that still carries any reward. -John Maynard Keynes I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is - I could be just as proud for half the money. -Arthur Godfrey Psychiatrists say it's not good for man to keep too much to himself. the Internal Revenue Service says the same thing. -Harold Smith If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. -Sir James Goldsmith The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the indivdual to himself. -John K. Galbraith If you can count your money, you don't have a millions dollars. -J. Paul Getty The greatest luxury of riches is that they allow you to escape so much good advice. -Wiliam K. Vanderbilt Affluence means influence. -Jack London You can never be too rich or too thin. -Wallis Warfield Simpson No man can be a pure specialist without being in the strict sense an idiot. -George Bernard Shaw Incomprehensible jargon is the hallmark of a profession. -Kingman Brewster [An expert is] somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. -Edwin Meese The trouble with specialists is that they tend to think in grooves. -Elaine Morgan If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker. -Albert Einstein Is a certified public accountant upper lower middle class or lower upper middle class? -Charles Merrill Smith Canceled checks...will be to future historians and cultural anthropolo- gists what the Dead Sea Scrolls and hieroglyphics are to us. -Brent Staples Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. -Sinclair Lewis Let Wall Street have a nightmare and the whole country has to help get them back in bed again. -Will Rogers Bulls and bears are't responsible for as many stock losses as bum steers. -Olin Miller There are only two emotions on Wall Street: fear and greed. -William Lefevre If you don't know who you are, the stock market is an expensive place to find out. -George Goodman Like the cosmetics industry, the securities business is engaged in selling an illusion. -Paul Samuelson Buffalo Bill's defunct. -E.E. Cummings Even cowgirls get the blues. -Tom Robbins The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to know. -Will Rogers God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. -Benjamin Frankin The difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. -J. Hightower Insurance is for people who don't have money. -Neil Zukerman What the insurance companies have done is to reverse the business so that the public at large insures the insurance companies. -Gerry Spence If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. -Edgar Watson Howe A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. -Benjamin Franklin The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. -William Shakespeare The mailman is the agent of impolite surprises. -Friedrich Wihelm Nietzche A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is a man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. -Lord Webb-Johnson Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. -Laurence J. Peter A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks yu a lot of expensive questions your wife asks you for nothing. -Joey Adams I finally had an orgasm and my doctor told me it was the wrong kind. -Woody Allen & Marshall Brickman Business is like sex. When it's good, it's very very good; when it's not so good, it's still good. -George Katona The big print giveth and fine print taketh away. -Bishop Fulton Sheen I have no friends and no enemies-only competitors. -Aristotle Onassis Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. -Edward Shepherd Mead A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled. -Barnett Cocks Consultants are people who come down from the hill to shoot the wounded after the battle is over. -Doc Blakeley After the ship has sunk, a consultant knows how it might have been saved. -Newt Hielscher A consultant is someone who save his client almost enough to pay his fee. -Arnold H. Glasow Getting results through people is a skill that cannot be learned in the classroom. -J. Paul Getty Falling in love with the boss is the cardinal sin in the office. Nothing is more boring or irritating to his friends and colleagues than an adoring and possessive secretary. -Lady Dartmouth I have received memos so swollen with managerial babble that they struck me as the literary equivalent of assault with a deadly weapon. -Peter Baida It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it. -Upton Sinclair By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day. -Robert Frost The most important aspect of the relationship between the president and the secretary of state is that they both understand who is president. -Dean Acheson A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done. -Fred Allen When a man tell me he's going to put all his cards on the table, I always look up his sleeve. -Lord Hore-Belisha One and one is two, and two and two is four, and five will get you ten if you know how to work it. -Mae West The brain is a wonderful little organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. -Robert Frost Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing. -Wernher von Braun A bee never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower. -Kin Hubbard My father taught me to work;he did not teach me to love it. -Abraham Lincoln The world is full of willing people;some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. -Robert Frost The difference between a rut and grave is the depth. -Bishop Gerald Burrill ...there is as much dignity in tilling field as in writing a poem. -Booker T. Washington Work is the curse of the drinking class. -Oscar Wilde (attrib.) There is no such thing as a free lunch. -Milton Friedman, economist When you soar like an eagle, you attract hunters. -Milton S. Gould Landlord of a bordello! The company's good and the mornings are quiet, which is the best time to write. -William Faulkner, on his ideal job In politics stupidity is not a handicap. -Napoleon Bonaparte Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remdeies. -Groucho Marx A radical is a man with both feet firmly planted in the air. -Franklin D. Roosevelt The middle of the road is all of the usable surface. the extremes, right and left, are in the gutters. -Dwight D. Eisenhower A politician is an animal that can sit on a fence and keep both ears to the ground. -H.L. Menchken The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office. -Will Rogers If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it just may be a duck. -Walter Reuther, on how to tell a Communist When a leader is in the Democratic party he's a boss; when he's in the Republican party he's a leader. -Harry S. Truman I like Republicans, have grown up with them and would trust them with anything in the world except public office. -Adlai E. Stevenson A liberal is a man too broad-minded to take his own side in a quarrel. -Robert Frost There are no more liberals...They've all been mugged. -James Q. Wilson One fifth of the people are against everything all the time. -Robert F. Kennedy Tack is the art of convincing people that they know more than you do. -Raymond Mortimer If you